Avoidance Coping and Why it Creates Additional Stress

Perhaps you could suggest marking off a day each week where the two of you engage in quality time together. You could even ask if your partner would consider inviting you to the events they are going to. When we try to think our way out of bad situations to avoid getting hurt, we become engaged in trying how to deal with someone who avoids conflict to think of a solution rather than acting on one. The stress only piles on it we were ultimately unable to perform the task or job well because we had not left ourselves enough time. While some people work well with a deadline looming, it generally isn’t the least stressful way to tackle something.

• Enneagram Fives meet anything that sounds like confrontation with an analytical detachment.
• “The negative side effects of conflict avoidance are often high turnover, a dysfunctional working environment, strained communication, loss of productivity and impaired teamwork,” Hearn said.
• When you can sit with these hard feelings, you’ll have more choices about how you want to face the problem because you won’t have a knee-jerk avoidance response.

Enneagram types that hate confrontation

You can work together on resolving conflicts more productively. In a relationship, this can look like going silent on a partner, changing the subject, or enduring uncomfortable situations instead of expressing issues openly. The first example is respectful and conveys a desire to preserve the relationship and resolve the conflict without drama. Jane has an opportunity to explain or own her behavior, make things right, and salvage the friendship. The second confrontation is abrasive and seems like an attempt to label Jane as a bad person and call off the friendship.

You’re Laid Back

Often, clients are unaware that it’s possible that the high-conflict personalities in their lives (what I call HCPs for short) suffer from undiagnosed personality disorders. After reflection, many of my clients wisely choose to get off the emotional rollercoaster by ending the problematic relationship altogether, rather than deal with the situation head-on. Do you find yourself holding your feelings in just to avoid conflict with your partner? Nobody enjoys conflict but it can be a healthy part of your relationship.

Caregiver Stress and Burnout

While getting out of these damaging patterns is tricky, there are ways to move forward in the face of our fears and express our emotions authentically. As you grieve, it’s important to remember that even though the closeness you want to have with a sibling, parent, or partner may never happen, this does not mean you cannot have a relationship. However, part of grieving is coming to terms with the fact that the relationship may lack what you truly want or need. It is important to accept reality exactly the way that it is without expecting change.

What kind of relationship do you have with your emotions?

If the issue hasn’t really been resolved, it could blow up as an over-reaction later. But jumping into conflict with your eyes figuratively closed and your temper flaring can be https://ecosoberhouse.com/ equally disruptive to business and personal relationships. In fact, such behavior can create some of the same problems in personal and work relationships as conflict avoidance.

Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

After hearing the offer, her attitude improved dramatically. She left the bank a short time later with no hard feelings and no further threats of lawsuits. Arnie Aronoff, an organizational development consultant in Chicago, uses the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument to help individuals become aware of the extent of their conflict avoidance. It may be particularly difficult for flighters to address conflicts directly with their managers. Externally, this could look like relying on some sort of crutch to cope with emotional pain, like alcohol, food, drugs, sex, or anything else that provides temporary respite from uncomfortable emotions. By determining your specific avoidance behaviors, you can better address them.

Just because you value keeping things the same, however, doesn’t mean you’re totally fixed in your opinions. Your friends might value your flexibility; you find it easy to see both sides of a disagreement, but you’d rather not voice your personal view on any given matter, should it sway heavily in one direction or another. Strategies can include engaging in deep breathing techniques before the confrontation. During a conflict, you can remind yourself to breathe deeply. I’ll teach you simple, actionable tools and strategies that you can use today to make your relationship the best it’s ever been. There are four main things to focus on if you’re a conflict avoider or if you’re dealing with a conflict avoider at home or work.

You Find Emotional Honesty Scary

Does the person possess the characteristics to engage in effective relationship rupture and repair? Do they have empathy, and do they listen and validate your position? If not, if you want to maintain a relationship, your strategies must reflect this reality.

Avoidance Coping and Why It Creates Additional Stress